One Big Bowl Of Wrong Please, With A Side Order Of Psychotic

Is It Wrong......

• To openly admit that three of your favourite songs(*) are by George Michael?
• To crave holidays after only three days of full time work?
• To enjoy the smell of your own armpits?
• To play 30 consecutive games of pinball when you could be getting nookie?
• To say "nookie"? (or "make out" for that matter)?
• To criticise smokers for their unhealthy ways when you in turn are a budding alcoholic?
• To like Andrew O'Keefe more then Eddie Mcguire?
• To burp and blow it in someone's face?
• To value new stationery more then your own shitbox car?

You know, in a hypothetical sense........

You like Andrew O'Keefe? F**king freak!

(*) Faith, Father Figure and Freedom

Public Service Announcement

Orgasmic grunt




SMASH!




Orgasmic grunt




SMASH!




Orgasmic grunt




SMASH!




Orgasmic grunt




SMASH!

Women's tennis - give it a go! (ditch your man and your vibrator)

Young kids these days.....

I am 22 and I am angry. Often hungry, but for the most part I am currently quite miffed. This wench bellow (her name is 'Pixie', which is mistake #1) is stereotyping '20 somethings' as irresponsible filthy house wreckers who have no regard for others. The disrespectful slander can be seen on the television advertisment for Australian Pensioners Insurance Angency.

You want to sterotype Pixie? Let's stereotype - game on mole!

Can I get you anything? A nice cup of tea? A nappy for your incontinence?

Do I need to wee? Am I happy and feeling confident? Of course, dear.

You really are a senile old bat. I bet you haven't had sex in at least 20 years.

Shhh dear..... Days of Our Lives just started and Shawn goes to confront Willow, who admits that Victor paid her ten grand to lie to the judge. When Shawn tells Maggie what Willow’s done, Maggie fires her. And Mimi has gone to Philip in hopes of convincing him not to take Claire from Shawn and Belle. Philip stands firm. Later, Mimi discovers a passport in Claire’s name and realizes Philip’s planning to take her out of the country.

Make that 30 years....Snoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore!
Right-oh, just don't crack your hip trying to sit down.

Understanding, not just insurance........

Australian Penioners Insurance Agency, understand this:

YOU SUCK! Ner-nee-feckin-ner-ner!

Someone call 000, this man has testicles in his throat!!!!

You can send a bleeding Grandma to me, and I won't freak out.

Pull a child's tooth out, no worries.

Broken limb? I'll promptly dial an ambulance for you.

Here are some electrolytes for your dehydration, sir.

And I'll swiftly remove a Crayon stuck up a 4 year old's nose.



But a swollen uvula..... I'd rather look at the bum cleavage of an obese Aretha Franklin.

For those who don't know, and for lack of a more scientific description, the uvula is the dangling thing at the back of your throat, often mistaken for tonsils. Or, as the patient (let's give him the pseudo name of, say.... Gavin) descibed it whilst in it's inflamed state as "testicles hanging at the back of your throat". Apparently with an inflamed uvula pleasantries are left at the door.
I'll leave you with a pic of what the interior of his mouth looks like (testicle jokes not only welcome, but advised) :

Mmmm..... cupcakes....

Wanted: One extraordinarily rich, generous older man to exchange wordly possessions for cupcakes from blonde, slightly chubby female. Blow jobs not included.

It seems I truly do have a talent - I can make cupcakes.
Not just any cupcakes, the BEST cupcakes in the southern hemisphere, possibly the world.
You see, my return to blogging coincides with my current baking binge. I would prefer to have a slightly healthier obsession, as weight gain is top on my list of 'things that make me want to jump off a cliff'.

So for tonight the baking goods menu for the Dixon household consists of:

Malteaser fudge slice
Anzac biscuits
Cupcakes with mixed chocolate toppings (Crunchie, MnMs, Milo and Malteasers)

It does look like I am sucking up, but this is not correct for two main reasons:
1) I could never compare anything I make to Gav's dad's cooking. He is far too culinary gifted. He once laughed at me attempting to peel potatoes.
2) It's Brad's and Taylor's birthday presents because I am in far too much debt and can't actually afford anything materialistic. Therefore cup cakes will have to suffice.

My baking expertise had led me to question whethere I should auction myself off on Ebay. I could stock up childrens parties, please the Nannas' at afternoon tea, prepare munchies for hungry party-goers or contribute to a family's picnic needs. The way I see it, I'd be a great resource.


The bidding shall start at the current amount in my savings account.







Zip.
Oh, and for your viewing pleasure (drooling at the keyboard is not recommended):